What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.
Say Jokes
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
