Say jokes

What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.

I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."

When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,

You respond: "cancer."

Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!