Say jokes

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?

She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."