Say jokes
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."
What did the person say to the orphan?
"Where are your parents?"
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."