Say jokes

What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?

He made no cents.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What did the person say to the orphan?

"Where are your parents?"

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!