Say jokes
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. It just "waved!"
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
A friend of mine says "Baguette" all the time cuz she is French.
What did Jarrah say to Hanjour?
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"Aye, matey."
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
I'd say you were the spawn of Satan, but that would be an insult to Satan.
"Tj and Prince, I really think we should stop doing this date night, date fight thing on this website because it's driving everyone crazy, and this is a joke website, not a dating website, so I say let's just take this to Facebook."
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Little girls cry. Big girls say, "F*ck."
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"