Say jokes
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!
In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"
Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."
Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"
Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"
The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"
The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."
The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"
"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Nothing, they can't talk.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
What did Stephen Hawking say on the stairway to heaven?
Oh, fuck! I can’t get up them.
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
What do people often say in a cold Mexican kitchen?
Brrrrrrito!
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit!"