Say jokes
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.