Say jokes

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

What did the person say to the orphan?

"Where are your parents?"

What did the north tower say to the south tower during the summer? Get ready for fall!

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".