What did the fish say when he got to the dam?
"Dam water."
"Dam!"
Say Jokes
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
Probably the quack troop for me bc I will have the numbers say what you would choose in the comments
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I did not say banana? Ha ha!
Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow?
Nothing, it was feeling blue.
What did the egg who was sun bathing say to the other egg? Don't look at my crack!
An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”
The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.
The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.
