Say jokes
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."
"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.
"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."
What did the seal say to the shark?
"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"
What did the lettuce say to the carrot?
"Lettuce be friends!"
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”
What did the acute triangle say to the obtuse triangle?
Nothing, triangles can't talk.
What did Rob O'Neill say before he shot Osama Bin Laden between the eyes?
"Go to HELLakbar!"
How do emo kids compliment each other? They say, "I like your cuts, G!"
What did the neutron say to the atom?
"Sandwiches, dude!"
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
What did the dog say to the cat? Ruff!
What did one ass cheek say to the other?
"Blimey, what's that smell coming from the corridor?"
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"