Say jokes

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.

I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

Your mum (mom) so fat, she wore a yellow T-shirt, they said "Taxi!"

"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?

"Let's talk later, I need to catch a plane."

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

What did the triangle say to the circle?

You're pointless.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

Two cows in a field.

One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"

The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"

What did one droplet say to the other?

"Water you thinking?"

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!

What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?

That hit the spot!