This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
Saw Jokes
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw!
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.
As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? āPut it on my bill.ā
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you canāt sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacherās eyes crossed? She couldnāt control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, āmini-sodaā).
12. Why couldnāt the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you canāt use ābeef stewā as a password. Itās not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldnāt you write with a broken pencil? Because itās pointless.
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she wonāt listen to me. Itās almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?
Chewbacca.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didnāt see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, āHow did your day go?ā
The one hunter said, āI had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.ā
Then the other hunter asked him, āWas she a good lookinā blond?ā And he said, āOh, I donāt know, I didnāt find her head.ā
One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.
Then it hit me.
When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! š¤£š¤£š¤£
So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"
I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.
I saw you when I got chance at the adoption center!
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. šš