Saw jokes

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...

What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?

"I'd hit that."

Guess who I saw at school today?

Everyone I looked at. loooooooool

I saw Simba walking slowly.

I told him "Mufasa!"

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!

I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.

I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.

He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"

Why was the chef embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing.

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.

Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"

I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.

Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a sea-saw.

I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.

How do you saw an apple with no mouth?

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