Sandwich jokes
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
There is only one reason why I find women useful.
That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Why don’t Belgians eat shit sandwiches?
They don’t fancy bread!
Mustard
Peanut butter 🧈?
Where do astronauts 👩🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?
In their launch box! 🚀📦😂
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*