Envy jokes

Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?

Because he successfully finished a race!

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?

The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.

Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?

Lights are hanging.

Why was the emo jealous of the orange?

It came precut.

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

Your hairline is so hideous that Derrick White's hairline envies yours.

There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.

One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!

I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?