I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
Bread?
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Bitch wanna make me a sandwich?
Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?
A: Because BB-8 it.
Ya it's bad:)
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
