Said jokes

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

Because it said, "Focus."

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."