Said jokes

So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"

Do you get it? SEArch.

My sister said she was as fat as a coconut, so I threw one at her and she was right.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

Jaylie 😠: I don't care, what he said was so out of line!

Harvey 😁: It's funny!

Jaylie😠 : He said "Stupid, silly bitch face I raised! I should have known!" That's not funny, Harv!

Harvey 🙁: Come on Jay. Give Chris a chance?

Jaylie 🙄: Sorry but I'm a stupid, silly bitch face he raised. He should have known!

Harvey😟: That's not true!

Jaylie 😣: He even made fun of Kalierien. She is so sensitive!

Harvey 😡: SHUSH!!!!

Kalierien😡: Hi guys, how's your day?

Harvey😁: Good!

Jaylie 🤬: Mine was like living in hell!

Kalierien: 🤬SAME!!!!!

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

It's kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence. Oh wait, you only said three words.

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."