Said jokes

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

Why was the orphan so good at baseball?

Because his coach said, "Go long or go home."

The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."

He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Play dead, they said.

Wasn't too hard.

I've been dead inside for years.

My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

Who said white people can't jump?

Look at the footage from 9/11.

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."