Said Jokes

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

Because it said, "Focus."

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.