Said jokes

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?

After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"

Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.