Said jokes

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"