Russians jokes

What do you call a Russian pharmacist?

"Ivan Astichestykov."

An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""

"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.

Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.

Why is the Azovstal Steel Plant important to the Russian?

Because it stores Zelensky's balls of steel!

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.

What is a Russian joke?

Something that will be funny for Russian people.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Q: What's the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?

A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?

What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.