Russians jokes

President

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Democracy

An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""

"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"

Russian Roulette

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

Light Bulb

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

Memes

Russian

Why is the Azovstal Steel Plant important to the Russian?

Because it stores Zelensky's balls of steel!

People

What is a Russian joke?

Something that will be funny for Russian people.

Politician

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Revenge

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

Potato

What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

Color

White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?

Joyce

What do you call Joyce when she's running from the Russians?

Winona Hider.

Roulette

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

Momma

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Bar

A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

Trump

What's blue, red, and white and dead all over?

Trump's dead Russian mates.

Stereotype

I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.