Russians jokes
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
I will make a funny joke if you let me be your boyfriend. I'm 19 and I am Russian.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
What does a Russian do for entertainment?
A nuclear world fair.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.
Putin: Crimea river.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
Where do animal does Russian milk come from?
"Moscows".