Russians Jokes

You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.

Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."

England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."

Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

'Whodya nikabollokov'

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.

The image is a four-panel comic featuring a stick figure with a troll face. The first panel reads, "How to have a higher chance of winning in Russian roulette." The second panel shows the stick figure holding a pistol and reads, "Step 1: acquire a semi automatic pistol instead of a revolver". The third panel shows the stick figure holding the pistol and another stick figure with a concerned face and reads, "Step 2: tell your friend to go first." The fourth panel reads, "Problem death?" and shows the troll face again.

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.

We had sex afterwards even though she lost.

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.

I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"