Russians jokes

Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.

Q: Name a murderer?

A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.

A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!

Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."

England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."

Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.

Why did the Russian cross the road?

To get to the other side.

A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.

"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

What did the American say to the Russian?

"Why are you always Russian?"

What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!