On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
Yo mama so fat, it took the Flash 40 years to run around her.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
What's red and runs up your leg? A homesick abortion.
"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"
"A broken nose."
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
