*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
Roll your eyes back, you might find a brain back there.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
Stephen Hawking died because he rolled to far from the outlet.
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
Yo mama so fat, she got more rolls than the sand dunes.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Why did Peter bring toilet roll to the party ? Because he was a party pooper
My wife is so fat. After sex I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
Stephen Hawking prefers rolls to slices of bread.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to ROLL in the DOUGH
Why can’t Germans call a taxi *does taxi calling motion* https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwj6iIbtq9L8AhXyk4kEHTyDBS4QwqsBegQICBAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DcJz6Oqm4UoY&usg=AOvVaw0mbwQc0TCp6COJ4FJHCIQp it’s not a Rick roll
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
When I give you the signal, I want you to roll down your window and call the oncoming cyclist a prick.
What do you call roller skates you can walk in?
"Wock n' roll."
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
