Roast jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.

Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!

This town ain't big enough for the one of you.

I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!

Where's your off button?

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.