Roast jokes

When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.

Yo mama so fat I bet if she farted, the whole Universe go Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM.

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!

It's kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence. Oh wait, you only said three words.

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.

"You're fat as a cow."

"......."

"Nope."

I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.

"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.