Roast jokes

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!

Your mama is so fat, she sunk Atlantis even though it's in the ocean!

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

So you mom call she side when Covin come home?

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

But when?

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Daday, chill, piss. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.