Road jokes
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!