Road jokes
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Why did the Xbox player cross the road? To render in the buildings.
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To finally get his milk.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.