Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
I got a job at a library,i got fired after 15 minutes,they told me it was because I put women's right in fiction section
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.
I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.
I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.
Is it all right when there is nothing left?
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: *tooth hurty* Dad: all right
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
