Right jokes

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

What's the difference between a gun and a penis?

The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.

I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.

Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.

There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?

An escort.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...

Is it all right when there is nothing left?

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.