What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
Q: What is a baby's favorite reptile?
A: A rattlesnake.
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
