Reptile jokes

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?

A crookodile.

What is the best type of snake? A dead one.

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only have a crockpot. 🤣

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

What do you call a stupid turtle?

Retorted.

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?

There is no difference.

What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?

Shell shock!

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

What's a snake's favorite subject?

Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.

Why did the alligator see a crocodile?

Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.

What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?

Look at that dino-sour!

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

'Cause they're dead.

What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?

Nothing, the pee is silent.

Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.