Religion jokes
Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?
Because she has to get on her knees.
When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.
When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
They should have ducked.
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
Whats the difference between NASA and religion NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"
One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.
His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.
The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in her butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”
“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there.”
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.