My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
Religion Jokes
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
What did God say to the good shepherd?
Nothing.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!
Why is "T" well-respected, but more in its lowercase form?
It crossed the line with Jesus.
What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?
They're sus.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
