An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
Jesus is great because Jesus is good. Amen.
Jesus is fake,
He hides from himself.
What is hell to you?
Jesus!!!!!
He is everywhere taking our time and energy and our lives for his entertainment.
But Judgment Day is his eternal hell!
And our Eternal Heaven!!
Jesus stinks so bad he killed all living things in Heaven.
Jesus is what he eats!
Shit!
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Ok, here's a story about the church.
There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.
Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇
👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D
If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
