Religion jokes
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.
Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!
Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What do you call a priest that is a furry?
A Catholic.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
Where do religious kids practice sports?
In the prayground.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
Muslim furries like goats.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
What do you call a retarded Catholic?
Asperges.
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.