Relationship jokes

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.

You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.

Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?

Kylin fucks his sister.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

Aaron, you glad I didn't make this joke?

Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.

Son: Dad, I'm gay.

Dad: I support you.

Son: I like you.

Dad: Get out and into my room!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.

I've got not much of anything to be honest.

Been in special classes in school.

Not liked by people.

Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

Not very smart.

Don't look good.

Hate myself more than anything.

Been a failure at everything in life.

Probably be alone forever.

People treat me like crap.

Can't do anything right.

And the list goes on and on.

So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

Bully: Agh, you're ugly!

Me: Said your mom when you were born.

So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.