Relationship jokes

Son: Dad, am I adopted?

Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.

Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-

Me: Lower lips.

Friend: I gotta go.

What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.

American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"

Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"

German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

Bully: Hey virgin!

Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.

Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Victim: Just wait nine months.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.