Relationship jokes
Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
How did the guy greet his wife?
"Howdy, sister!"
I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!
I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂
My wife still misses me...
But her aim is getting better!
What did the boy goat say to his girlfriend?
You're my boo!
What's the difference between anal and oral?
Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.