Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
What do you call Holly and Elenji?
A couple.
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
After all these walkers, you still walk over me.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
What do you call a gay friend?
Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.
My sex life.
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
