Relationship

Relationship jokes

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Hi, I did not get your text. I texted you when I texted you. You are not [responding].

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?

B: They're both hot?

A: They're both massive.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

Because they needed someone to call "daddy".

Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!

Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT

Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!

Rob: .....BECKY :3