Relationship jokes

The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

I only have sex with suicidal bitches because that pussy [is] limited edition.

Jaylie 😠: I don't care, what he said was so out of line!

Harvey 😁: It's funny!

Jaylie😠 : He said "Stupid, silly bitch face I raised! I should have known!" That's not funny, Harv!

Harvey 🙁: Come on Jay. Give Chris a chance?

Jaylie 🙄: Sorry but I'm a stupid, silly bitch face he raised. He should have known!

Harvey😟: That's not true!

Jaylie 😣: He even made fun of Kalierien. She is so sensitive!

Harvey 😡: SHUSH!!!!

Kalierien😡: Hi guys, how's your day?

Harvey😁: Good!

Jaylie 🤬: Mine was like living in hell!

Kalierien: 🤬SAME!!!!!

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

Neona: Gwen?

Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?

Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!

Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!

Neona: Are you mad at me?

Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Momma?

Momma who?

Big Momma!

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

What did the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

Sex is like math.

You add a bed.

Subtract the clothes.

Divide the legs.

And pray you don’t multiply.

Girl: Rip, mother, I love you.

Me: Sorry for your loss.

Girl: Stop, I have a boyfriend.

Me: Stop, I have a mother.

Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.

Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.

Your mum lolololollollollololollolololllol! Find her reboot card lmfao lolololol.

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

Parents: Let's have a bonfire.

Me: Let's go to the orphanage.

Parents: To bring other children?

Me: No, to have the fire.

Parents: Won't they be missed?

Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because there is nobody to call "daddy."