Relationship jokes

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

What do you call your dad?

You don't. Hahahahaha!

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?

I want them both in my mouth!

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?

I don't care if she has either.