Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
What did the woman say to the man?
"Stop."
What did the man do?
Keep going.
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
