Relationship jokes
What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?
They both fell on my dad.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
His gay ass dad.
Are you a marry, because you are my mother?
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.
Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!
He's a hot babe and he's single.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!