Really jokes
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
I have a really good joke.
Do you want to hear it?
Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
So you know "The Lion King."
Do you remember Simba?
Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.
So I told him to Mufasa.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
You know this joke really cracks up my bones!
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
We are having a sleepover and we are being as quiet as possible.
Addison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THOSE ARE GREAT JOKES!!!
Layne: IKR
Mom: SHUT UP, YOUR BROTHER IS TRYING TO SLEEP.
Addison: ok fine.
Layne: Look at this joke.
Addison: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
*Addison and Layne continue laughing really loudly*
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.