Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
i lost 10000 dollars so i killed my piggy bank so i get a real pig and money which my money is fake but the janitor said it is real so killed myself and turn to a real human.
What’s the difference between Burger King and Ron Jeremy?
BK doesn’t sell real meat.
Cheesus hates me yeah I know cause he's a real douchelord fictional character
Prince don't listen to that Princess she is a fake I swear. I am the real Gwen.
Prince do you love the faker, Princess or me the real Gwen?
1 Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use? A) Head and Sholders 2 Q) what’s Stephens favourite food? A) Sholders For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking 💕
why do orphans like baseball so then they can know what a real home is
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Teacher: Anyone missing?
Orphan: My parents.
Teacher: Something that is real, kid.
Orphan: My family.
Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.
"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Your mom should show you your real home. THE TRASH! If death was an option for a look you could be the first.
wat did te skeleton say to te oter skeleton ive ot a bone to pick wit you
tat was a real rib tickler ive ot a skeleTON more of te skelePUNS
