Real jokes

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

Guy feels something on his back.

“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”

“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

Your hairline is so far back, when your forehead was playing tag, your hairline ran away real far.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common?

They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Did you hear that song about 9/11? It was a real banger!

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

What do you call a chair with a hat?

I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.