Put jokes

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Some people put zodiacs on everything.

They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.

I once read a book on antigravity, it was impossible to put down.

What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?

A bat.

When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face...

How do you get a party started in Africa?

You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.

Why are Mexican families so big?

They don’t know how to put a condom on.

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, it's impossible to PUT DOWN!

What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

Kid: Where do I put this paper?

Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

Kid: Yes, you told me to!

Teacher: I meant at school!

Kid: Ohhhhhh!

Teacher: Duh!

What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?

They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.

Uh!!!

You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

How do you confuse a fish?

Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.