Put jokes
I got kicked out of a library today because I put a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
You call, I'm putting on.
Frank (34) DJ.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!