Put jokes

What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?

He puts his PJ-Amazon!

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.

When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

I got kicked out of a library today because I put a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”