Duck

Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!

Boy

The boy ran into the gym, why?

Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."

Present

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

Man

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

War

A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!

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  • Cow

    What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?

    High steaks gambling.

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  • Girl

    A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.

    Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"

    Soda

    I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.