Puns
I make science puns, but only periodically.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire? Cha Ching.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.