Puns
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
I told you ten puns to make you laugh, and I do not pun in-ten-did.
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people. Pun in, ten dead.