Puns
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Donald Trump: "I play Fortnite just to build walls."
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.