What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Donald Trump: "I play Fortnite just to build walls."
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
