Puns

Eggshausted.

Why did 6 hate 7?

Because 7 ate 9!

Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?

I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.

I don't know what to say.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

What's the fastest cake? Scone!

How does the Eskimo make a house of cards?

Igloos it.

What did one bear reply to his bad pun?

"Bear with me!"

How did I kill Georgee?

I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!

How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.

Man: I wish for more wishes.

Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.

Man: I wish I could.

Genie: ......

Josh Hemus - follow him on Instagram @joshhemus

You know bins????

They're trash!

So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?

Yourself.

To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!

I sucked a dick.

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.

What do people say when they're fighting?

"Water!"