Puns
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?
Ten-putt!
A bass drum is the boss.
I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.
Jake Paul's life:
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
What's the fastest cake? Scone!
How does the Eskimo make a house of cards?
Igloos it.
What did one bear reply to his bad pun?
"Bear with me!"
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Josh Hemus - follow him on Instagram @joshhemus
Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.
Man: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.
Man: I wish I could.
Genie: ......
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
You know bins????
They're trash!
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
Yourself.
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
I sucked a dick.
I have a son. Her name is Zara.
I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.