Puns

I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.

So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.

Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.

Why did people bully the burning circuit?

It was too short.

Why did the MOSFET go to jail?

It had a charge for battery.

How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.

My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.

"Racccccccccccccccccccccoccoooocoooocoooooooooooocoooooo this is my song."

I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.