Puns
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
"Fish, why you no fly?"
"I don't like being caught naked."
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the “shell” station.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”
Impossible? I’m very possible, really!
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!