Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What did the female rapper say when her boyfriend pulled his pants down and exposed his huge balls? “I like big nuts and I cannot lie!”
how do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? when you pull her pants her ass
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over and the dad yelled “What the fuck did you do” I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying “Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day” he continues
Little johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off. *What was that dad?" Asked lil johnny. "oh just a bug." Said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face he then says. "That bug sure had a big dick didn't he?"
My teacher asks all of us in class what is your favorite thing in the world? Josh: Cookies-Jacob-My parents-Erika-My Friends!-Brody-Lamborghinis.-Me-Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens.... ;)-My Teacher-Ok every one that was all good..... WAIT A DANG SECOND *Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
Your hair line so bad we needed to pull it from another universes
Gregg says to his friend which is a girl and Says" hey umm do you umm want to do something?" And the girl says" umm sure why not." Gregg says" well then we have to go somewhere secretive." the girl says " umm well ok." Gregg says "great" So Gregg bring Sally to a tree so no one can see them and then Sally says "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?" Gregg says "well pull down your pants and all show ya" Sally says "ok it sounds fun" And then gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy and he goes up and down up and down up and down and then Sally starts to moan more and more and then suddenly a teacher here's her moan and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing and then the teacher gets in on it and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher and then the teacher moans and then the whole school makes their own sex groups and the whole school has threesomes... THE END
There's only on reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum. In her religion you NEVER pull out.
One time my boyfriend and i where playing the tickle game and i tickle him on his thighs by accident and i said oh no i am died. Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina and then i moaned while laughing and told him "STOP pls" . Then he said "that's what i thought" and i was like you cheated he was like "you first did it". So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then i jumped on him and pulled his dick five times.And he scream and i quickly ran out and laughed then he rann to me and i screamed and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while i said "ok ok stoppp" and he stopped and start sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while i said pls stop and then i pushed him off and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole and i said" owwwwwwww". Then he said" play with i'll fuck you up". I said ughh and slaped him.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
Just before Lockdown began, a woman took her 15 yr old son Tom, and 14, 16 and 18 yr old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14 year old was looking a little....plump. By the 20th week the 16 year old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18 yr old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14 year old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"
My nuts hurt if you pull them I will scream
My nuts tickle scratch them and I won’t like you no more
One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody- *pulls out noose* 'COME HANG'... *pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?". The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster", it'll go faster, "harder", it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hostpital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player. "What's that?" Bobby inquired. "Oh, just something to zone out the other kids." Billy responded. The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack, and pulled out an mp4 player this time. "Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired. "Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school." Billy responded. The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school, and pulled out an mp5 rifle. "Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped. "Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
The Women saw a Cute lookin cop she Had pulled up right Next to him and said “Hey can i get your number” He said yea it’s “911”. And drove of
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home. They got in the car, and his mother asked "Johnny, what did you do this time? So johnny pulled his pants and said "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home his dad was off work and heard that johnny was coming home early from school, once again he asked johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised so his dad pulled down his pants and said "Big whale, big whale."
