What do you say to a depressed person?
"I like ya cut, G."
Psychology Jokes
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.
I might have to back down on this because it is usually aimed for little children.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trashcans.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
They wanted somebody to call "daddy."
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.
What’s 12 inch long, purple, and makes women scream??
Cot death!
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
